(as) awkward as a cow on a crutch
Very clumsy or uncoordinated. When my toddler was first learning to walk, she was awkward as a cow on a crutch. He'll never make the basketball team—he's as awkward as a cow on a crutch.
(as) funny as a crutch
Not funny or amusing at all. Yeah, cancer is about as funny as a crutch, huh?
*awkward as a cow on a crutch
and *awkward as a cow on roller skatesvery clumsy or off balance. (*Also: as ~.) When Lulu was overweight, she was awkward as a cow on a crutch. Tom will never be a gymnast. He's as awkward as a cow on roller skates!
*funny as a crutch
not funny at all. (Sarcastic. *Also: as ~.) Your trick is about as funny as a crutch. Nobody thought it was funny. The lame joke Ron told was as funny as a crutch, and we all yawned.
crutch
1. n. a car. (Streets.) That’s one fine crutch you got here, Bud.
2. n. a device to hold a marijuana cigarette butt. Here’s a crutch so you can finish your smoke.
p-crutch
n. a police car. (see also crutch = car.) Hey, bro, there’s a p-crutch behind you.